Last week I hosted a large and "complex" team here from San Antonio, TX. By complex I mean 2 eye surgeons (they performed around 35 cataract surgeries), 4 doctors (they saw 500 patients), 1 dentist (100 patients - around 200 teeth pulled), and a vision group (200 patients with new glasses). To say I was in hyper Type-A controlling mode would be an understatement (I was even scaring myself!)
One morning before I left with the team for Cunen (about 4 hours north of here), I woke up, and realizing that something in me needed to change, said a very simple prayer: "God, please remind me that I...am...not...in...control." Although I don't want this to be true, I now recognize that it is. I am not in control. And it's time to start being okay with it. I've been reminding myself of this very simple truth every morning since, and to be honest, I think there may be something to it.
Here's what I mean: my job is basically to help keep the teams safe, happy, and busy while they're here. The most important aspect of my work is to ensure that those with a need (surgical, dental, medical, or vision need) get hooked-up with our doctors while they're in the area. So, of course the worst thing that can happen, after months of advertising in rural areas that American doctors will be in town on a certain day, is that no patients show up. When this happens, manic Jay comes out to play.Well, this happened. We show up to a town called Los Trigales with 2 doctors and a dentist ready to do some great work, and there is literally not one patient there. I instantly feel every team member's eyes on me, thinking, "I just spent how much money to come to Guatemala to visit a desolate rural community?" I freak. But then remember my stupid little morning prayer, "Jay, you are not in control," and start saying it to myself. See what I mean by "hell?"
Faith, Revisited
So we're all sitting there in our gringo-mobile, at a desolate rural community in the middle of nowhere, staring at each other (mostly at me, wandering, "now what, leader-boy?") And then one of our doctors says something I'll never forget. He says, "I can't wait to see what God does next." What!? This dude (a dude with Harvard education, by the way) and I couldn't be more different. He must be like, Type-Z personality. And apparently, he's the master of this "I am not in control" thing.
This is him (the smart dude) pointing at numbers with our vision team at a clinic. Oh by the way, we ended up leaving Los Trigales after waiting 45 minutes for patients to show up and went to a town named Chiul for what turned out to be a great day (with tons of patients). Later that night, the doc pulled me aside and said, "No offense, but I sure am glad that we ended up following God's plan and not Jay's plan."Now I'm not really on-board with those who believe that "everything happens for a reason," but there just might be a reason why it's not very healthy (mentally or spiritally) to continue trying to force our own plan and control every situation in life. Instead, what if I learned, like the wise Harvard doc, to just do my best in every situation and kinow with full confidence that "I am not in control...and I sure can't wait to see what God ends up doing next."
This is Bob. He's the man. I worked with him and his wife Barbara all week as their translator. I hope I heard all the patients right when they told me which tooth they wanted pulled. Oh well, having one less tooth never hurt anyone, right?Peace to you,
Jay
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