Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Deep Thoughts by Carey Cooper

Fighting FEAR in Guatemala

I'm a scaredy cat. A really big scaredy cat truth be told. Oh sure, I may look brave moving to Guatemala, but it's just an act. I thought I would be able to leave at least some of my fears in the States, but no, those pesky fears must have snuck into my luggage because here they are. And oh boy, are they showing their ugly faces this week. From smallest to biggest, here are my top three:

1. Fear of getting lost

I know, this sounds a bit silly... But if you've ever been in a car with me and I had to make more than one turn, then you probably know what I'm talking about. I have a bad sense of direction. I mean really bad. When we moved to NJ, and I had to commute from Toms River to Princeton, I got lost at least a dozen times before Dad and Donna gave me an early birthday present. Some people call it a GPS system, but I call it a gift from God. :)

Well, today, I had to drive from Panajachel where we live to Camanchaj where we work BY MYSELF. Jay is out of town with another medical team. The drive is long (at least 45 minutes), and detours are common on market days and during the dry season because it's the only time road work can be done. Having a GPS here would be pointless, but a map would be helpful, or how about street signs? And I'm pretty sure I haven't seen a 7-Eleven where I can stop and ask for directions. If I got lost, I could call Jay or someone at the clinic, but the conversation would probably go something like this -- "I'm not sure... I see corn, and umm, more corn... Can you come get me?"

2. Fear of the dark

Maybe I watched too many scary movies or read too many scary books when I was a kid, but I've always been afraid of the dark, or better put, the stalker lurking in the dark. For the past several years, when Jay was working as a youth minister, I would dread the long nights when he was away on youth retreats. I'd put a chair under my bedroom doorknob, keep mace under the bed, take tylenol p.m., and pray to make it through the night. I know. You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm really not.

Well, Jay is gone this week, which means... I'M BY MYSELF. In GUATEMALA. And umm, no one told us that traveling was going to be part of Jay's job when we agreed to come here. Granted, our boss, Phil, lives in the apartment downstairs. But hey, I can't think rationally at 3 a.m. Especially in Guatemala.

3. Fear of disappointing others

My first two fears affect me every now and then, but this one... Well, it runs my life. In the States, I was terrified of disappointing my bosses, my friends, my family, God. I felt that I was never a good enough student, employee, friend, wife, sister, daughter, etc... And I spent a lot of nights worrying about this. When I wasn't worrying about the stalker that is. :)

More than any of my other fears, I had hoped to leave this one behind. But unfortunately, it followed me to Guatemala, and it has been harrassing me ever since the preschool opened. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, we had a rough start with the septic system problems, but it's not just that. Several children have dropped out, and one of our teachers quit last week. Now, I'll readily admit that most of what has happened is not under my control, but the truth is that I can't help but feel like a failure at times. I can't help but worry that I'm disappointing my boss and the preschool sponsors, not to mention the students and their families....

So, in summary, this week is tough. And yet, here I am, getting up every morning and fighting my fears. If I can do it here, I can do it anywhere, right? But I couldn't do it without the love and support of my friends and family. So thanks to you all for your encouraging words and prayers.

Love, cc

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Things I Did NOT Learn in Seminary

The clog in our blog over the last few weeks is due to lots of long work days preparing for and working with one of our biggest and most important teams this year - a surgery team from Canada. I'm totally drained, but it's been an awesome experience seeing them in action. In the past 6 days they have completed 25 or so plastic surgeries (cleft lips, finger/toe repair, amputations) and 20ish gynecological surgeries (hysterectomies, tubal ligations, ovarian cyst removals).
I've learned so much while coordinating the trip for this team, but it has also exposed just how ill-trained I am for certain aspects of this job. I seem to find myself in unfamiliar situations daily, and as I do, one thought continues to come to mind: I definitely did NOT learn how to do this in seminary!

IN SEMINARY, THEY DIDN'T TEACH ME HOW TO...
1. ...answer the question, "My baby hasn't fed in over a day and my breasts are full of milk. Can you help me relieve the pressure?" Ummm...a little help over here please!
2. ...speak Ixil, K'iche, Kakchiquel, Mam or Tz'utuil - just 5 of the indigenous languages spoken by our surgical patients this week. Somebody find me a translator.
3. ...watch a big toe be amputated without feeling a little woozy. Totally worth it : )
4. ...drive 3 hours to an unfamiliar, dangerous city with said toe sitting in the passenger seat next to me bouncing around in a jar full of formaldehyde so it can be biopsied. Don't worry though, sucking in fumes from chicken buses over the past 6 months has killed my sense of smell.
5. ...speak in Spanish with patients about their irregular menstral cycles and other "female problems" without blushing.

Fortunately, however, somewhere along the way I did learn how to comfort a woman who had just been informed that she had cancer, hold the hand of a man who was having his toe amputated, and spend some time listening to and encouraging a friend whose husband is an alcoholic. I guess when it comes down to it I'm really just a pastor at heart - a pastor posing as a volunteer coordinator/pseudo-nurse guy/wanna-be translator in Guatemala.

The first group of patients arrive at the clinic. I don't think they understood a word I said, so I just kept smiling.

I'm in there about 6" from the big toe. I didn't touch it, but kind of wanted to.


Team Canada at work. I've found a whole new respect for our neighbors up north. Can you believe they can do something like this in what used to be an abandoned building?

Shout-out to our friend, Dr. Candice, from Austin who came down to help Carey with the preschool. They spent the week brainstorming ways to improve the school...and were able to work a little free-time into the visit too.
Carey with the kiddos one day at school. They're watching several of their classmates act out "The Three Little Pigs" as the teachers read the story. So cute.
Just to leave you with a unique cultural experience, check out this 70-second video I took of the Sunday market in Chichicastenango (the biggest market in Central America). Note the local's traditional dress, the incense coming from the church, and the indigenous language (K'iche) being spoken by the man near me...




Peace, Jay

ps. Carey and I feel so thankful for your love and support. How can we ever repay you for supporting us in this work?